i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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