At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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