jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize