WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
