mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
