Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
