you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
