it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
