dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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