hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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