The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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