Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize