I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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