the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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