i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
