i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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