and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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