smell my finger.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
