worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You did what with his pubic hair?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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