Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
