Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
