She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
