she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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