My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize