hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
