Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
