mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
