im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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