i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
