Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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