You just made me feel so damn special
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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