Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
