My brain says no but my pants say off.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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