How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
