plz talk dirty to me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
