But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
