I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
