i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
