you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
