I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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