What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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