The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize