That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
