so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
a search helicopter?!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
