p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
