I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
okay pat passed out under dana's car
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
