I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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