Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
