i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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