I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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