What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
