So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
