I can text with my tongue
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
