Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
