he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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