Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
