I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
