I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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