You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
