What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
