You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
