I'm lost and stupid without you.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
